he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
