just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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