Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
