My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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