operation harelip BJ is a go
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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