I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize