I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
