after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
