I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
