Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
