Your dad touched me again.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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