Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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