Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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