Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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