just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
