you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
