and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
