I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
