Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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