Taylor Swift is so right about you.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
