no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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