Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
