I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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