i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
