The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
