i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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