Jerry, you need to find god
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
