If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
