I think I won the penis lottery.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You were trust falling into bushes
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
