I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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