The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
