brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
