i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
