tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She's the barista slut.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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