Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I have fence marks all over my body
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
