Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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