Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
