I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
