I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize