I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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