There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
