I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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