I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
