Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
How external is "for external use only"?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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