the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
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Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
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I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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