ADVERTISEMENT

• (732): View more from New Jersey

  i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  well..are you winning?

  Fav 24 1823 887

  share tweet
  

• (301): View more from Maryland

  She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.

  Fav 32 1095 4403

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.

  Fav 14 3901 1427

  share tweet
  

• (419): View more from Ohio

  A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.

  Fav 27 8126 1271

  share tweet
  

• (651): View more from Minnesota

  So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won

  Fav 5 913 1752

  share tweet
  

• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation

  Fav 5 1619 769

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (630): View more from Illinois

  I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.

  Fav 5 1233 639

  share tweet
  

• (770): View more from Georgia

  I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer

  Fav 3 650 603

  share tweet
  

• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead

  Fav 3 183 297

  share tweet
  

• (905): View more from Ontario

  Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.

  Fav 1 187 246

  share tweet
  

• (970): View more from Colorado

  OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID

  Fav 0 14 38

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (703): View more from Virginia

  WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES

  Fav 0 15 30

  share tweet
  

• (801): View more from Utah

  He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.

  Fav 2 22 44

  share tweet
  

• (317): View more from Indiana

  Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes

  Fav 0 10 17

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (616): View more from Michigan

  It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE

  Fav 0 116 27

  share tweet
  

Randomize