In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
