My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
