he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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