This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
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i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
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That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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