I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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