My room smells like vodka and shame
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Randomize
