I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
