i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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