toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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