During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
