when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
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I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
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She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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