I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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