okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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