he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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