Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
