A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
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